When You Are a Soldier
by sachariah
Summary: "Whenever you need me, I will be here." From one soldier to another. Series. Featuring Rex/Ahsoka, Cody/Barriss - pairings implied.
1. Shielded

**_Shielded_**

_When you are a soldier  
I will be your shield  
I will go with you into the battlefield  
And when the arrows start to fly  
Take my hand and hold on tight  
I will be your shield  
'Cause I know how it feels  
When you are a soldier_

* * *

Anyone else analyzing the situation would be quick to observe it wasn't looking so good.

But that would have been a superfluous observation, coming from the likes of Captain Rex. And the veteran clone officer didn't have time for superfluous anything as he dove for the ground and rolled out from beneath a volley of Separatist blaster fire, before coming up on one knee to deliver a heated reply from his twin DC-17s. As he squeezed the trigger his eyes danced between the battlezone outside his visor and the stream of data running across his HUD, the only information sources of any consequence now. The planet might as well have been nameless. The grand strategy behind the battle was a forgotten joke. All that mattered now was to survive, to keep as many men alive as possible, and to try and beat back the droids while he was at it.

"Silo is down!" Kix's voice was stark and urgent as it cut through the frantic comm chatter coming from his helmet. "Jasper too. I need cover to retrieve them!"

His bolts having found their mark, Rex earned a few seconds' reprieve. "Jesse," he called back as he ducked behind a small boulder and tried to get his bearings. "Report, now!"

"We're pinned down, Captain," the Sergeant replied between heavy breaths. "Tup and Helix are with me, we're holding back the clankers at the delta but we can't cross the gap without-"

"Don't. Hold the line," Rex ordered, turning to try and get a visual on Kix's squad, farther up the gulley. Their attempt to sneak through the ravine-laced forest had backfired perfectly, as a droid ambush emerged without warning and began to rain fire down on the Republic strike team. Caught off guard, the clones had broken ranks by squad and took up what cover they could, fighting for survival while awaiting the promised air support and evac.

If they lasted that long. The droid ambush had already been reinforced by additional clanker units at the mouth of the gulley, near Jesse's position, including a squadron of the deadly droideka mobile cannons. If those droids broke through, and an orderly retreat couldn't be made in time, they were all done for.

Taking a breath, Rex began speaking as he rose to his feet. "Kix, when I finish you and your squad break off and retrieve the wounded, I'm going to cut across the delta and draw their fire."

"But sir!"

"That's an order, Kix." Rex steeled himself, trying to get a visual on the droid positions above and below the ravine. His blood rushed with adrenaline, his mind with rapid calculations as he mentally plotted the most effective - and dangerous - route. "Once you've got them, everyone fall back deeper into the gulley." His hand fell to the thermal detonators on his belt. "I'm leaving a few surprises for our tin friends."

Silence was the only reply. It was all but a suicide mission, he knew it and everyone else did as well. But being the only surviving man positioned to pull off the diversion, even survival odds were superfluous.

And it wasn't like this was the first time Rex had plunged into the jaws of death.

* * *

The diversion worked like a well-oiled heter valve. Unable to resist the temptation of an open and exposed Republic target, the droids above and below began to rain their combined firepower at Captain Rex as he sprinted across the gulley. Taking advantage of each swell of topography for cover, Rex swiftly zig-zagged his way towards the mouth of the gulley, breaking left and right with seemingly at random. His movements were deceptively predictable, keeping a course long enough for the droids' targeting algorithms to catch on before making another sudden change of direction.

Within a matter of seconds, he'd reached the target. The gulley emptied out into a wide valley, mostly obscured in fog except for the flashes of brilliant red that continued to grasp at his every step. The droid line was clearly visible now, and it was approaching fast. In between heavy breaths, Rex repeated his prior orders, trusting his men to fall back as they'd been commanded while he laid a detonator line across the mouth of the valley.

The explosives were in position, the countdown initiated. The droids were even closer, and the blaster fire was becoming blinding in speed and intensity. Rex turned on his heels, squeezing off the occasional returning shot as he began the long, uphill retreat into the gulley.

Every instinct told him it was futile. He had expended too much energy already, and it showed in his aim and his pace. Exhaustion was draining the last traces of adrenaline from his veins, and his steps were erratic as he tried to dodge the pursuing bolts. Utterly exposed, his back to the enemy, deprived of even the rudimentary cover he had enjoyed in his charge, Rex knew he was witnessing the last seconds of his life.

Then a blur of sienna and brilliant, vibrant _green_ swept over him.

She had no business being there. She should have been taken safely off-planet by now, her unit had been evac'd a full hour ago. But she _was_ there, and in all her glorious fury, and Rex found he was too spent from the exertion to try and scold her for it. The blaster fire seemed to melt away as Ahsoka took up a stance behind him, her dual blades thrumming with fresh energy as she shielded his retreat.

She must have sensed him looking at her, and she met his gaze; concern was written over her face, but as his eyes caught her own she gave him a small grin and a tip of the head. _You're safe now,_ her expression reassured him, and Rex found himself unable to help a tired smile beneath his helmet.

The retreat was over within a few minutes. The roar of the detonators, the shattering of a hundred droid chassis, the growl of the evac ships as they swooped in belatedly to pull them out of harm's way all melded into a post-battle haze. It wasn't until they were safely aloft, with Kix's noisy reprimands in his ear and Ahsoka standing quietly by, that Rex had the clarity of mind to think back to her foolish act of heroism, her selfless attempt at his rescue, her quiet, confident smile.

_You're safe now,_ her smile had said.

He'd never felt safer in his life.

* * *

_Lyrics for this short series are from the song "When You Are a Soldier", by Steven Curtis Chapman. _

_Thanks for reading; reviews are appreciated. :) _


	2. Carried

**_Carried_**

_When you're tired from running I will cheer you on  
Look beside you and you'll see you're not alone  
And when your strength is all but gone  
I'll carry you until you're strong  
And I will be your shield  
'Cause I know how it feels  
When you're a soldier_

* * *

She glanced behind her, then immediately regretted it as she saw the pursuing vehicles had gained on her by half again. Returning her gaze straight ahead, she pressed ahead, her mouth agape as she struggled to supply her aching lungs with oxygen. Every last shred of strength was poured into her stride as she forced her limbs to stretch and swing, grasping for the slightest increase in speed as she tried to put distance between herself and the onslaught of Hailfire droids.

As her mind grew hazy with overexertion, Barriss's thoughts remained strangely lucid. Collapsing from exhaustion now would be an ironic fate indeed. Running wasn't supposed to be a challenge for a Jedi.

Granted, neither was it particularly heroic, but athletic extremes were per normal in any Padawan's routine, and it wasn't uncommon to for a Master to put ever more rigorous demand on her student's physical training. Speed and endurance could mean the difference between life and death on the battlefield.

All true, but given enough time and energy expended, running could be amazingly hard, even for a Jedi. Barriss had been running non-stop for four hours already. She hadn't slept a wink since the mission had begun, close to seventy-two hours ago, and much of that waking time had been spent in a nerve-racking infiltration, where each covert step was an exhausting endeavor.

Her last reserves of adrenaline had long been expended since she planted the explosives and broke free from the Separatist base. In a stroke of ill fate, her coordinates for the rendezvous had been sliced by the enemy, springing a chain of mishaps that resulted in her missing her pickup. Now her only hope for survival lay in outrunning the droid patrol and reaching a Republic ground unit.

A tall order to be sure, and one that was growing more unlikely by the second.

The terrain before her was wide open, with only the occasional grove of withered trees providing a bit of shade from the afternoon sun's heat. The ground was flat, firm and well suited for fast running, as well as for equally-fast pursuit by mechanized robot soldiers that never grew tired, and rarely tripped.

Her lightsaber was drawn, and the blue blade intercepted the bolts that came too close for comfort, as best she could while running away from them. Had she been better rested, Barriss might have easily outpaced the enemy, but she was not rested by any means, and she was most certainly not outpacing the droids. Her mental strength had been drained along with that of her limbs, and accessing the Force, even to bolster her speed, was almost impossible. Her body and mind alike had been pushed much too far already, without sufficient rest or nutrition, and her limbs trembled with every strained step as she ran for dear life.

"Commander Offee, do you copy? Commander Offee, come in!"

The voice that crackled over her comm headset was doubly familiar and unexpected, and Barriss came dangerously close to stumbling as she recognized the speaker. "Commander Cody?" she managed between gasps for air. She could have told the 212th officer's voice apart from any of his brothers, but his presence hadn't been part of the mission plan. "What… are you doing here?"

"It doesn't matter Commander, we're here and we're on our way. I've got two squads plus armor at my disposal, but we're still ten klicks out from you on our current course." The urgency in the clone Commander's voice wasn't typical at all, but the reason was painfully obvious. "You've got to make a better pace than that or we won't reach you in time."

"I'm… running as fast as I can… Commander," Barriss replied as she risked another glance back, just in time to duck as a shot from the nearest Hailfire streaked by just overhead. "I'm afraid it's no use-"

"Commander! You _have_ to, you've got to go on." Cody's voice was sharp and authoritative, and despite her exhaustion Barriss felt her senses flare in response. "We're not far, just keep it up and we'll get to you."

His words were meant to motivate and encourage, and though it seemed futile by this point somehow Barriss found herself infused with a fresh spark of strength. She pushed on, black hair flying in loose strands behind her - her hood had been lost to the wind long ago - her boots kicking up trails of loose dirt as she sped across the open field. Still, weariness and inevitability were taking their toll, as when Barriss looked back one more time, it was obvious the droid pursuit was winning this race.

"Cody," she rasped through the comm, forgetting rank momentarily and flinching as another volley of blaster fire tore past her back. Her lightsaber was nearly useless now, the strength in her arms was failing and she couldn't wield the weapon any longer. "It's too much… I can't go on…"

"Commander!" Cody's voice thundered in her ears once more. "We're within five klicks. You can't give up now!" His protest was almost feverish, but his voice took on another aspect altogether as he added, "You can do this, Commander. I know you can."

The quietness - no, the _tenderness_ in his tone was a stark juxtaposition against the dire circumstances and the urgency of the moment. It was unheard of coming from Commander Cody and she would have been alerted to the sheer novelty of it even if the words hasn't burned their way deep within her being and sent a thrill down her aching spine.

But his words _had_ done just that, and in the ensuing moments Barriss somehow found a final rush of fresh strength that caused her to surge ahead of her droid followers, losing track of distance and time altogether until the silhouettes of the Republic patrol finally emerged from the horizon. Flanked by a line of AT-TE walkers, clone troopers were running towards her, and at their head was a man dressed in yellow-edged armor, a cloud of dust in his wake as he made a collision course for the exhausted Padawan.

"Commander…" she breathed as her legs finally collapsed beneath her, only to find herself literally swept up in his arms as the clone Commander spun on his heels and rushed to carry her out of the battle zone, leaving his subordinates to do battle with the pursuing droids. She held on to his shoulders weakly, coughing up dust and grit, and closing her eyes while the tanks roared in defense of the rescued Jedi Commander.

Cody began speaking as soon as they passed the line of tanks and the sounds of battle grew slightly duller. "Everything is under control, Commander," he assured her, his voice cool and professional though modulated by his helmet. "As soon as we put those droids down we'll get you patched up and aboard a tank for the night. We're expecting pickup around midnight."

His voice broke off as he began calling out orders to his men over his in-helmet comm. Barriss opened her eyes again, turning her head just enough to see him. The setting sun graced his figure and gave his armor a warm, golden hue, and for a moment she felt awed that this soldier and veteran officer was the same man that had spoken to her so earnestly just moments ago, with his voice subdued, gentle, honest. _You can do this, Commander. I know you can._

Cody had finished speaking to his men, and returned her gaze, his head tilting in a question. Barriss shook her head, a faint smile bending her lips as she sighed and closed her eyes again, letting her cheek rest against his dust-encrusted breastplate. "Thank you, Cody," she murmured, not sure if she intended for him to hear her, nor if she dared hope he did.

She felt the tremor in his chest as he replied, equally quietly, "Anytime, Commander."

* * *

_Thanks for reading, and please consider a review. _


	3. Friend

**_Friend_**

_I will be the one you can cry your songs to  
My eyes will share your tears  
I'll be your friend if you win or if you're defeated  
Whenever you need me I will be here_

* * *

She was sitting alone in the hangar again.

He could have expected that much, as there weren't many places to find solitude on a Star Destroyer, and for one as accustomed to shipboard life as Ahsoka, the steady pulse of sound and activity during downtime in the hangar could have a strange calming effect, a stream of harmless noises to drown out the voice of one's fears. Rex thanked the deck officer for the information, and made his way toward the turbolift that would carry him to the hangar floor.

Upon reaching the lower level, Rex swiftly navigated past the rows of starfighters, making his way to the auxiliary wing of the hangar where the Jedi typically housed their craft. Her fighter sat in its normal spot, identifiable by the proud maroon and crimson paint scheme that, though faded and worn through in spots, still spoke to its owner's brave and eager personality. It was the craft of a young and adventurous warrior, a leader, and the weathered appearance added an additional of element of respect, of experience.

But the young woman the sat in silence on the wing of the Delta 6 before him looked very little like a leader or a warrior. Her shoulders were slumped, her head bowed, and her figure seemed dwarfed even by the compact spacecraft. In fact, though she was now 17 years old and had clearly matured with her age, Rex felt he'd never seen her look so small before.

He knew why, too. The last time Rex saw her in this position was over Rhyloth, when Ahsoka had just returned from a disastrous foray against the Separatist blockade.

Rex had heard of that incident only second hand, but he'd been right behind her during their latest battle, when poor judgment and inaccurate intel led Ahsoka to hurl her unit against a massively more powerful droid force. Despite the best efforts of Rex, Ahsoka, and Kix, the Republic troopers were devastated, with only Torrent company and a handful of stragglers surviving long enough to be rescued.

Rex himself had earned a short stay in the bacta tank courtesy of a bolt to his ribcage, and when he checked out this morning he learned that Ahsoka had not reported for duty since returning to the _Resolute_, despite her Master's repeated demands for her to do so. When Rex left the medbay in fact, he found a message from General Skywalker - who was still absent on a classified assignment - ordering him to find Ahsoka and "force some sense into her", and expressing his own disappointment at their ill-fated mission. Rex didn't need to be ordered to seek out the unhappy Padawan, but the General's message reminded him of the sort of pressure Ahsoka was under, and that had led to her spending her days moving from one lonely hiding place to another, trying to escape the twin burdens of responsibility and defeat.

Ahsoka didn't acknowledge his approach, and didn't even lift her head as Rex ascended the short service ladder and took the spot beside her on the wing, half-seated while kneeling on one knee. He regarded her for a moment; her face was ducked away and hidden, but Rex knew her eyes would be red-rimmed and tired, and her face contorted in a tight frown. Unlike many of the subjects of their private discussions, this was an instance where Rex understood perfectly what his Jedi Commander was feeling; as a fellow officer he knew all too well the weight that defeat placed on a leader.

He knew this was a case where he would have to speak first, so he did. "They tell me you've been missed."

She made no response, but Rex didn't wait long for one before continuing, "You know you can't avoid your responsibilities forever, Ahsoka."

Strangely, addressing her by name was easier when he was speaking firmly like this. He kept his voice even, because he knew the first thing Ahsoka needed was to be reminded that she was still in command, and she didn't have the luxury of wallowing in self-pity. To an outsider it may have seemed a cold way to approach a hurting young person, but to one who knew her as well as Rex did, it was exactly what she needed to hear.

She knew it too, and so Rex wasn't taken aback at all when she finally replied in a bitter tone, "If you're trying to help, you have the strangest way of showing it ever."

Rex nodded. "So long as it's the right way."

She actually laughed then, though it was a humorless laugh, before sighing heavily. "I know I shouldn't sit around and pout, but I just… after that battle…" her voice broke as she shook her head. "We lost so many men…"

Rex didn't reply, and sat beside her in silence as she fought back a sob. He shifted a fraction of meter towards her, a wordless offer that Ahsoka immediately accepted, scooting along the starfighter wing to lean heavily against his side. His right arm came up to accommodate her body, before resting it across her shoulders and pulling her close.

"I just thought... I was _better_ than that, now," Ahsoka went on, her voice still cracking. "I've gained so much more experience, and I've learned so much, but then something goes wrong and I make the wrong call… and everyone else pays the price. I'm no better than I was on Rhyloth, and Felucia-"

"That's the price of command," Rex interrupted her, speaking more gently this time. "You made a mistake, Ahsoka. And you will do so again. You aren't in this position because you're perfect, you're here because you have a duty to lead. And leadership means facing up to our failures, learning from them, and moving forward."

"So what you're saying is that I'm being a terrible leader," Ahsoka shot back, an unsubtle hint of irritation in her voice.

"I'm telling you the truth, Ahsoka-"

"I know, I know," Ahsoka sighed as she lifted her head. "I appreciate your honesty Rex, it's just I-"

"I wasn't finished."

"Oh." Ahsoka glanced up at him, her lekku flushing in mild embarrassment. "Sorry?"

Rex shook his head, allowing a smile to play at the edges of his lips. "I'm telling you the truth, because I've been in exactly the same place you are, and I had to learn the hard way that there's no room for self-pity in this business."

"You're just repeating yourself now," the Padawan complained, hanging her head again. "I got it, I'm just not command material-"

"I _still_ wasn't finished."

Ahsoka let out an exasperated snort. "Since when have you gotten so talkative anyway?"

"I learned from the best." A low chuckle accompanied his reply; he caught a flicker of a smile on her face despite Ahsoka's attempt to hide it. "As I was saying, I understand what you're feeling. I know the pressure you're under right now. I've been there more times that I'd care to admit."

He thought he saw her open her mouth, perhaps to challenge his statement, but he didn't give her an opening. "Yes, Ahsoka. I know what it's like to be _defeated_. I've born the weight of knowing that lives were lost because of my mistakes."

His voice had taken on a harder edge, almost unwittingly, and he consciously softened his tone as he added, "That's what we call the burden of command."

Ahsoka shielded her eyes with one hand, nodding even as her voice cracked when she spoke. "Does it ever get any easier?"

There was a plea in her words, a request for some assurance that the pressure and guilt would somehow become more bearable. Though a part of him yearned to give her the words she wanted, he hardly hesitated before answering, "No. It never does." He fell silent for a moment, pondering his own response. "And I hope it never will."

He felt her startled eyes fixed on him, but somehow Rex knew that the young Jedi understood full well what he was saying. That if leaders like Ahsoka, like himself, like the numerous non-clone officers that operated within the Republic chain of command, if they one day _lost_ that sense of burden and responsibility, and came to see their troops as nothing more than statistics and resources, then the morality of their entire system would be compromised. If lives on the frontlines could be dismissed without regret, then what would happen when the ordinary citizen found themselves between an officer and his objective?

Efficient and effective though it might seem, leadership without humanity could only bring about absolute horror. It was the stuff that monsters like General Pong Krell were made of, and it was the very same ideal that made the droid army the terrifying success it had been. No, true leadership _had_ to be difficult, it _had_ to remain a burden and a weight upon Rex, and upon Ahsoka. Fallen men had to be morned, bad decisions had to have consequences. There was no escaping it.

But there was also no reason either of them needed to bear it alone.

"It never gets easier," he repeated, his voice a little distant. "But there _are _ways… to move on, to accept the hand you're dealt and make the best of it."

"How?" Ahsoka's voice was small, yet strangely hopeful. "How do _you_ move forward?"

He hesitated this time, considering his words and trying not to let anything escape his lips that should not. "You keep your mind on the goal, on ending the war, or defending innocent lives," he answered. His brow furrowed as he went on, "But sometimes that's not enough… sometimes it's just too difficult to see past the tragedy around you, and…"

Ahsoka's eyebrows arched as he trailed off, and her inquisitive gaze seemed to heat the side of his face as he searched for the right phrasing.

"And..?"

Rex took a breath. He didn't turn to meet her eyes immediately, willing himself to say the words that he wasn't sure he dared say. "And then we turn to those around us, who matter the most to us. Those who we can trust, the ones whose friendship isn't based on our performance, but… on who we are."

He allowed himself a sidelong glance at her, wondering whether she would draw the connection he couldn't bring himself to make out loud. Her eyes were still fixed on him, and there was an instant of confusion on her face. But then understanding clearly struck her; the crown of her montrals flushed just a little, and the stripes on her lekku darkened. "That's… I'm…" Her gaze fell, and she shook her head. "Thanks, Rex. That… it means a lot."

A combination of relief and satisfaction came over Rex, and his smile was a more confident, if faint. "The feeling is mutual; you've had my six on more than one occasion, you know. Now," Rex shifted towards the service ladder, "I believe we have some briefings to attend."

Ahsoka nodded, but remained quiet as she followed his lead and made her way onto the deck. As they walked side by side across the hangar, she spoke up again. "I mean it, Rex. Knowing that someone else believes in me, who cares for… enough about me to track me down when I'm in a lousy mood… I'm saying this all wrong-"

"Ahsoka," he interrupted, trying to both minimize her embarrassment as well as head off anything _too_ probing. "You don't need to worry about the verbalization when we both know what you mean. You've been… the same to me, during many different circumstances."

Ironically, Rex felt his own wording had come across about as clumsy as Ahsoka's attempt. There seemed to be an unspoken understanding that neither of them could "verbalize" what they meant, and the walk to the turbolift proceeded in silence.

As the door slid shut behind them, Rex decided to try and bring things to a simple conclusion. Their eyes met, and he managed a single sentence. "Just remember, anytime you need me, I'll be here."

A shy grin turned up the corners of her lips, and her markings flushed just a little under the soft white lighting of the lift. "Right back at ya."

* * *

_One more peice to go. As always, thanks for reading! A review would be most appreciated. :)_


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